LET’S TAKE A MINUTE TO DISPEL THIS SILLY CLAIM THAT “SHARING IS CARING.” I HAVE HAD MANY PARENTS REACH OUT TO ME AND SAY, “I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN ANOTHER KIDDO WALKS UP AND TAKES MY KID’S TOY.” THE ANSWER MIGHT NOT BE THE MOST CONVENTIONAL, BUT IT IS THE MOST APPROPRIATE: TAKE THE TOY BACK AND TALK TO THE KIDS INVOLVED.
When working with kids, whether they are yours or someone else’s, it is important to offer boundaries and explanations. When a child comes up and takes a toy, offer an immediate response and give the toy back to the child who had it. The immediate response is what a child needs to help understand. When you think, “I will talk to my child about this when we leave,” you’re limiting the emphasis you can have over the situation. In the car or hours later, the quick talk about what happened earlier leaves your child in the “Okay, Mom” zone. A place where they recognize what you are saying, but may not be able to replicate the instructions. By offering immediate assistance, you’re letting all children involved have an understanding of what is appropriate and what is not.
The concept that “Sharing is caring” is flawed in that you are not obligated to share and it is possible to show that you care without sharing.
Example:
My daughter was playing playdoh. We have 3 sets of scissors, but each are a different color. If you have ever worked with a toddler, you can understand the dilemma here as a single color has the power to ruin an entire 10 minutes. My daughter’s friend wanted the red scissors that she was using. Instead of asking for them, the little one took them from her hands and proceeded to use them.
ENTER ME.
I quickly took back the scissors and gave them to my little girl. I looked at them both and said, “Let’s try that again.” I explained to our friend that taking the scissors was not kind and that there are better alternatives. You can say, “Can I have a turn when you are finished?” or “Amilia, can I play with those too?” The important part is that you are asking if it is okay to use them. Now, Amilia can say, “No, I want to use them now, but you can use them when I’m done” or “Sure, I can use the green ones.”
The other key component is being consistent. Don’t just go around taking toys from kids, but making sure that when the situation presents itself, that you do your due diligence and respond in the same way, each time. The consistency will give the kiddos the understanding of what they should do when presented with a child who is taking something from them. You’d be surprised how quickly this resolves.
FOLLOW UP QUESTION: HOW DO PARENTS RESPOND?
When you explain what you are doing and why you are doing it to the children involved, parents understand. It gives them an opportunity to learn a new way of handling a situation that EVERY CHILD EXPERIENCES. It also opens up dialogue around the topic of sharing. That quick conversation could have a lasting impact on what that parent does in future situations. So, I would say that it is worth it.
Remember:
Don’t go around taking toys without offering an explanation.
When you’re kiddo inevitably has a toy taken from them, do not go all Mama/Papa Bear, calmly discuss alternatives with all children involved.
Discuss your newfound method with parents involved.