Great job! You did it! That was so cool!
So often we offer up praise to our kiddos, but could praise be used as a method to help a child take their actions to the next level? In teaching and parenting, I like to utilize specific positive feedback and directive practice; a really great toolkit that came from my days of coaching gymnastics.
When you offer a child specific positive feedback, you say exactly what they did that was great. Something like, “I love how you knelt down to help your friend up when she fell down. That shows how kind of a heart you have!” You are helping your child to better understand exactly what they did. Simply saying, “Great job!” in that situation leaves a lot to be interpreted. Saying the words, “I love how you _________” sets you up for success in offering specific positive feedback. This works wonders in sports too! For example, “I love how you kicked the soccer ball with the top of your foot! That kick had so much power behind it!” Taking the extra breath and saying a few more words helps children to understand what action was the one that is worth repeating. It seems so simple sometimes and you may even think, “Of course, they knew I was talking about __________” but going the extra step makes a difference.
Not only will you start to see your child repeating the positive skills when you offer specific positive feedback, but you can also see behaviors change when you supply them with directive practice. Let’s go back to the example of soccer. When using specific positive feedback you said, “I love how you kicked the soccer ball with the top of your foot! That kick had so much power behind it!” If you were going to offer directive practice, it may sound like, “I love how you kicked the soccer ball with the top of your foot! That kick had so much power behind it! Next time, can you try passing the ball to Kelsey? When you pass, you want to use the inside of your foot. It’s tricky at first, but I just know you can do it!”
Specific positive feedback and directive practice are best used together because you are able to offer what part of the equation was done correctly and what part still needs work. By utilizing this method, you will find that your child has a better understanding of what behaviors or keepers and which ones might need to be altered.
Here’s a few phrases to get you going at home:
1- I love how you ______, next time can you ______________.
2- I am so excited that you _______________, what do you think about doing _____________ when we try it again?
3- Can you believe that you _____________ all by yourself! It wasn’t that long ago that you couldn’t do that! Look how much you’ve learned! What if we try to ___________ next time? I bet you could ___________ even better than you did this time!
It seems like a lot of words as you read it, but it starts to become second nature. When that first phrase rolls off your tongue, there’s really no stopping the train. You’ll find that you’ve committed yourself to specific positive feedback and directive practice.