Raising Scientists

Oh, the Places You Will Go!

After posing the question of the coolest places to bring kids in the Bay Area in our premiere mom’s group, The Mamahood, I received a ton of responses! Here’s the list! 96 (and counting) awesome places to bring your littles in the Bay Area. Click on each place and it will take you to the website for that specific venue! Adventure awaits!

Monterey Bay Aquarium - Monterey
Exploratorium- San Francisco
Silliman Family Aquatic Center- Newark
California Academy of Science- San Francisco
Train Town- Sonoma
Sulphur Creek- Hayward
Nut Tree Plaza- Vacaville
Happy Hollow Park and Zoo- San Jose
Gilroy Gardens- Gilroy
Sacramento Zoo- Sacramento
Mystery Spot- Santa Cruz
Fairytale Town- Sacramento
Western Railway Museum- Suisun City
Seaquest- Folsom
Kids Gym- Berkeley
Aquarium of the Bay- San Francisco
Oakland Zoo- Oakland
San Francisco Zoo- San Francisco
Fairyland- Oakland
Tilden Park Carousel- Berkeley
Tilden Park Steam Train- Berkeley
Tilden Little Farm- Berkeley
I Heart Art- Pleasant Hill
Children’s Creativity Museum- San Francisco
Bay Area Discovery Museum- Sausalito
Children’s Discovery Museum- San Jose
Peek-a-Boo Factory- Livermore, Daly City, SF
Great Wolf Lodge- Anaheim, but soon to be in Manteca
Go Aqua Adventure Waterpark- Fremont
Randall Museum- San Francisco
Lindsay Wildlife Experience- Walnut Creek
California State Railroad Museum- Sacramento
Habitot- Berkeley
Chabot Space and Science Center- Oakland
Charles Schulz Museum- Santa Rosa
Roaring Camp Railroads- Felton (Santa Cruz County)
CuriOdyssey- San Mateo
Niles Canyon Railway- Sunol
Small World Park- Pittsburg (closes for winter through April)
Pixieland Amusement Park- Concord
Six Flags Discovery Kingdom- Vallejo
Children’s Museum- Santa Rosa
Holiday Highlands Park- Martinez
The Boardwalk- Santa Cruz
Beer Can Beach- Aptos
Mrs. Grossman’s Sticker Factory- Petaluma
Pony Camp at Pasterino Farms- Half Moon Bay
Hidden Lakes Park- Martinez
Heather Farms Park- Walnut Creek
Discovery Center at Lawrence Livermore Lab- Livermore
Lawrence Hall of Science- Berkeley
Children’s Museum- Stockton
Safari West- Santa Rosa (4 years and up)
The Wave- Dublin (closes for winter)
Jumpity Bumpity- Hayward/ Fairfield
Jolly Roger Land- Union City
Jelly Belly Factory- Fairfield
Adventure Playground- Berkeley
Rosie the Riveter WWII Home Front- Richmond
Rosie the Riveter Memorial at Marina Park- Richmond
Red Oak Victory- Richmond
USS Hornet- Alameda
Alcatraz- San Francisco
Crissy Field- San Francisco
Walt Disney Family Museum- San Francisco
Muir Woods- Mill Valley
John Muir National Historic Site- Martinez
Ardenwood Historic Farm- Fremont
Borges Ranch- Walnut Creek
Hidden Villa Farm- Los Altos
Kidtopia- Fremont
Lake Anza- Berkeley
SF Botanical Garden- San Francisco
Regional Parks Botanic Gardens- Berkeley
Lemos Farms- Half Moon Bay
Roberts Regional Park- Oakland
Fort Point- San Francisco
Crown Beach- Alameda
Ocean Beach- San Francisco
Lafayette Reservoir- Lafayette
Stinson Beach- Marin County
Mormon Temple (and Gardens)- Oakland
Oakland Museum of California- Oakland
Oakland Aviation Museum- Oakland
Uesegi Farms- San Martin
Wake Island Water Park- Pleasant Grove
Old Faithful Geyser- Calistoga
Create It Ceramics- Palo Alto
Color Me Mine- Walnut Creek, Brentwood, Alameda
Anthony Chabot Equestrian Center- Oakland
Dublin Iceland- Dublin
The Golden Skate- San Ramon
World of Wonders Science Museum- Lodi
Stow Lake Boathouse- San Francisco
Mel’s Play Place- Castro Valley
Bumble Restaurant- Los Altos
Sings and Wings- Alameda

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen.... Book Notes! (Chapter 1 and 2)

Chapter One: Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings

There is a direct connection between how children feel and how they behave.
Steady denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kids, it also teaches them not to know what their feelings are or not to trust them.
- Ex: Child saying they are hot and the parent saying that they need to keep their sweater on because it is cold.
- Ex: Child saying they are tired parent disagreeing because the child just woke up from a nap.
- When feelings are consistently denied, parents and children become increasingly hostile toward each other.
- When we acknowledge a child’s feelings, we put them in touch with their inner reality and they gather the strength needed to cope.
When someone is able to really listen, acknowledge the inner pain and give a chance for the person to talk more about what is troubling them, they become less upset, less confused and are able to begin to cope with their feelings
TO HELP WITH FEELINGS:
- Listen with full attention
- Acknowledge their feelings with a word (“Oh… I see… Mhmm…”)
- Give their feelings a name
  - “That sounds frustrating!”
- Give them their wishes in a fantasy
  - “I wish I had a magic wand that could…”
Is it important to always empathize with a child?
- The time for empathy is when a child wants you to know how they feel
- One father said that what helped him to become more sensitive to his son’s emotional needs was when he began to equate the unhappy feelings with physical bruises
- What’s wrong with just asking a child why they feel that way?
  - In addition to the original distress, they will need to analyze the cause and come up with a reasonable explanation. Very often children don’t know why they feel the way they do.
Are parents supposed to agree with their child’s feelings?
- Children don’t need to have their feelings agreed with, they simply need them to be acknowledged.
- What people of all ages need in a moment of distress is not agreement or disagreement, but is someone to recognize what it is they are experiencing.
What’s wrong with simply saying, “I understand how you feel?”
- The problem with saying, “I know how you feel” is that some children do not believe you. They’ll answer, “No, you don’t” but when you take the time to be specific- they know that you really do understand
What if the feeling I identify is wrong?
- Your child will correct you.
How should you react wen you hear, “You’re mean.” or “I hate you.”
- If “I hate you” is upsetting, you should let your child know. Say something along the lines of, “I didn’t like what I just heard. If you are angry about something, tell it to me in a different way. Then maybe I can be helpful.”
- We all lose our cool sometimes, and while it is important for children to see that you have emotion, if an overreaction occurs, talk to your child and apologize. Children learn best from their models.
Is there a way to help a child who is unhappy other than to tell them that you understand their feelings?
- Sometimes a physical activity can help relieve some painful feelings. Stories were told of children feeling calmer after punching pillows, hammering grocery cartons, pounding and kneading clay, roaring like a lion and throwing darts.
- One of the most satisfying for children to do and parents to watch is drawing their feelings.
- What is most important is that when a child is punching or pounding or drawing that you are there, watching and letting them know that even their angriest feelings are understood and accepted.
If I accept all of my child’s feelings, won’t that give them the idea that anything they do is okay with me?
- When you accept your child’s feelings they are more able to accept the limits that are set for them.
What is the objection to giving children advice when they have a problem?
- When we give children advice or instant solutions, we deprive them of the experience that comes from wrestling with their own problems.
- Critical and creative thought
Is there anything you can do if you realize that you have given your child an unhelpful response?
- Every time a parent says to themselves, “I wish I hadn’t…” you are automatically given another chance. Compassion is appreciated whether it comes sooner or later.
Cautions:
- Children usually object when their exact words are repeated back to them
- There are youngsters who prefer no talk at all when they’re upset. For them, your presence is enough.
- Some children become irritated when they express an intense emotion and their parent’s response is correct but cool.
- It’s also not helpful when parents respond wire more intensity than the child feels.
- Children don’t appreciate having the names they call themselves repeated by their parents.

Chapter Two: Engaging Cooperation

Real listening is hard work.
- I tend to call this “active listening.” It requires your attention.
- What are your expectations of listening?
- Whole Body Listening
TO ENGAGE COOPERATION:
- Describe. Describe what you see or describe the problem.
  - “The light is on in the bathroom.”
- Give Information.
  - “Walls are not for writing on. Paper is for writing on.”
- Talk about your feelings.
  - “It bothers me when the screen door is open. I don’t want flies around our food.”
- Say it with a word.
  - “Kids, pajamas.”
- Write a note.
  - Saw a cute idea about a parent sending in a paper airplane to their children that couldn’t read. When the kids looked at the airplane, they brought it to the parent to read. When the parent read the, “Clean up your toys” note aloud, the kids thought it was pretty funny and scampered off to pick up.
Two things about using this method:
- It’s important to be authentic. Sounding patient, when you feel frustrated can work against you. A child cannot necessarily pick up on those frustrated cues. If you say, “Please pick up your toys, dear.” when you really mean, “I am a ticking time bomb. If your toys are not picked up, I am going to scream.” will likely only result in a negative situation.
- Just because you don’t “get through” to your child the first time, does not mean that you should give up. Use the above skills independently or in conjunction with one another.
Questions about this chapter:
- If attitude is important, why bother with words?
  - A parent’s look of disgust or tone of contempt can hurt deeply, but if that child is also subjected to words like stupid, careless, or irresponsible, they are wounded twice. Words have a way of lingering around. The worst part of this is that your child may end up using these words at a later date to describe themselves.
    - I have worked with a number of children and I can tell you that the above statement is something I know to be true. They may not act like it, they may put on a brave face, but the words you use to describe your child will stick. I have had students walk into my classroom and tell me that they are just dumb so they shouldn’t even bother trying. I’ve had them tell me that they are stupid and are just going to end up making careless choices anyway. Even something that seems benign like, “You’re bad.” in a trying situation, can easily be internalized and is often the first thing I hear the following day.
      - If the moment escapes you, remember that you also have the power to change it. Apologize, talk to your child and explain that they are not ____, but the situation was difficult.
- What’s wrong with saying please when you want a child to do something?
  - Small favors like, “pass the salt” could warrant a please. We want our children to model a socially acceptable way to make a small request, but “please” lends itself best to relaxed moments. When you want something done immediately its a good idea to speak forcefully rather than plead.
- Is there a way to explain the fact that sometimes my kids do what I’ve asked of them and others it seems like I can’t get through?
  - Does what you’re having your child do make sense for their age and ability?
  - Do they feel that your request is unreasonable?
  - Can you offer a choice about when to do it (instead of right now)?
  - Can you offer a choice about how it is done?
Comments and Cautions about engaging cooperation:
- Describe:
  - Many people feel that the “you” in a statement is what makes a person feel accused and defensive. “You spilled the milk.” vs “The milk spilled. We need a sponge.”
    - The book points out that we should always try to omit the word “you” in our descriptive language. Pointing out that there is a problem without being accusatory.
    - Doing this makes it easier for a child to pick up on what the problem is and allows them to focus on finding a solution.
  - Descriptive statements work best when a child feels that their help is genuinely needed.
- Give information:
  - Refrain on giving the child information that they already know. If you walked up to a 10 year old and said “Milk turns sour when it isn’t refrigerated.” They may feel that you are being sarcastic or think they are dumb.
- One-Word Statements:
  - Don’t use your child’s name as a one-word statement. When a child hears a disapproving “Susie” many times during the day, they begin to associate their name with disapproval.
- Describe what you feel:
  - Children whose feelings are respected are likely to be respectful of adult feelings.
  - Response to “Who cares?”
    - You can tell a child that you care and let them know that you care about how they feel and that your expectation is that everyone in the family cares for one another.
  - Some children are very sensitive to their parent’s disapproval. Hearing “I am furious” may be more than those children can bear. If your child is sensitive to hearing about your feelings, stick with setting the expectations (ie. “I expect that you are kind to animals.” after seeing a child pull at a cat’s tail).
- If I follow these rules, will my child always respond?
  - The author states that they would hope not as children are not robots. They do not want the purpose of the book to be manipulating child behavior.
  - The purpose of the book is to speak to what is best in our children- their intelligence, their initiative, their sense of responsibility, their sense of humor, their ability to be sensitive to the needs of others.
  - They want to put an end to talk that hurts a child’s spirit and search out language that nourishes self-esteem.
  - To create an emotional climate that encourages children to cooperate because they care about themselves and us.
  - WE should demonstrate the kind of respectful communication that we hope our children will use with us now- during their adolescent years, and ultimately as our adult friends.

Introducing... Lunar Loot

A while back, I toyed with the idea of using individual sticker charts for positive behaviors and milestones reached at school, but quickly learned that stickers are great for wearing and so they disappear from charts. Went back to the drawing board and have decided to implement Lunar Loot instead. This idea is coupled with a set of life skills that we’ll be setting out to learn more about. Now, if you have ever been to the Kennedy Space Center, these Astronaut Attributes are going to sound familiar. In the Heroes & Legends and Astronaut Hall of Fame, these attributes line the hall (picture attached) as it is believed that each astronaut possesses these particular character traits. I felt that these attributes, although complex, would help us to build on our understanding of the world around us and help us in learning how to navigate different situations.

Just like Brain Bucks, our little scientists will take responsibility for their loot. Today’s little ones decided to store their loot inside of their pencil box, but we’ll see what everyone feels comfortable with. For every 5 that they gain, they will have a chance to spend it on a prize. As they grow accustomed to this system I will have tiered prizes and other things in store for them like buying the use of the pointer during circle time or planning a special activity with me for an upcoming school day.

This system is all about encouraging the positive. Because they learn best from each other, having excellent models of behavior will make for children who are better able to navigate different situations as they encounter them. As always, my goal in teaching has never been to teach a single subject, but to teach children to be lifelong learners and productive members of society.

Building the CEO Brain

A few months back, I had the luxury of attending an event for childhood development. The main speaker was a local child psychologist, Julie Kurtz, who specializes in childhood trauma. While your child may not have experienced trauma (though 26% of children in the US will experience a traumatic event prior to age 4), she had wonderful information to share on the ability to build the CEO brain.

Now, you may be wondering what the CEO brain is, and that’s great! I’ve got answers for you. Basically, we like to think of the brain as being divided into three components: the reptile brain, the mammalian brain and the CEO brain. Below, you will find explanations of each, but due to the misunderstandings that occur with our youngest scientists, I have included a few more examples of the reptile brain.

As you might expect, the reptile brain includes such parts of the brain as the brain stem and cerebellum. These are parts of the brain that are responsible for the body’s vital functions, like your heart rate. This part of the brain is where the fight or flight urge comes from, where you see impulsivity and aggression and it is where our youngest children tend to live. Ever have your child walk up and hit another person? Have them throw a toy across the room? Have them respond with a push or a shove even though you’ve explained 100,000 times to use your words? Their actions are not necessarily because they truly meant to hurt their friend or sibling, the more likely situation is that they lack the self-control that you, as an adult with a much more developed brain, have. You can yell at them, put them on time out or send them to their rooms but you would be punishing them for something that is outside of their control (for the record, I do not believe those forms of discipline are effective). Their brain is not developed enough to realize the impact of their actions. They are not thinking three steps ahead as you and your well-developed brain might.

Enter the next part of the brain, the mammalian brain. This is where we find brain parts such as the hippocampus and amygdala. This part of the brain is where we find our memory, where we learn about making judgements and where we add in emotion. We refer to it as the mammalian part of the brain due to the commonalities between mammals. Lastly, we have the CEO brain, where we have the development of human language, abstract thought, imagination and decision making! While every part of the brain is fascinating, this piece is particularly cool and you’ll see why as your child ages.

As parents and educators, one of our duties is to help the youngest members of our society to build their CEO brain and one of the most influential ways to do it, is through the act of recall. Psychologist Julie Kurtz, gave an example in her speech of checking out at Target…

Have you ever had that moment, when you’re getting ready to pay at target and you’re going through the line when suddenly, your three-year-old child spots candy? Your little one looks at you and says, “Can I have a candy?” to which, you respond, “No, we just bought everything we need for dinner and we’re going to go home and get some good food in your belly.” Your child says, “BUT I want a candy!” You again respond saying no, which turns into yelling and screaming from your little one. This is where a divide occurs: some parents here will give the candy to their child as an attempt to immediately end the tantrum and get all of the attention off of you and your child, some will yell at their child telling them to stop or else ___ will happen, some will just leave the cart and abandon ship and still yet, some will try to talk their child through their emotions and back to a place of calm. Once the child is calm, most parents think, “Phew! Glad that’s over!” and go about their day, but this moment of leaving Target with a child who is calm is where you have an incredible opportunity to build a child’s CEO brain. You see, once you’re out in the parking lot, you have the ability to talk to your child about the situation that just occurred. Praise them for having the ability to come back to a place of calm, talk to them about what created the problem and try to create a plan for next time. This small talk, probably less than five minutes, can be instrumental in building the CEO brain.

The act of recall is something I do regularly with my children, but is also something I do with my Lunar Landers. Having the ability to retrace our steps, talk about something that happened and formulate a new solution is an important part of our day. It works on forming neural pathways that will pave the way for them making different choices in the future. It builds on their understanding of the world and helps put into context how your child may have been feeling. Taking the time to have these conversations is not only important for the development of the CEO brain, but is an important part of you opening the doorway to a lifetime of conversations with your child.

Preventing the Spread of Infection

It occurred to me that I have some medical knowledge sitting in my brain. Rather than keep it to myself, I thought it would be great to put on paper as an attempt to help educate family and friends about infection. I also felt knowing when to keep your child home from activities and how to prevent the spread of infection in your home would be other helpful topics to preventing illness throughout our communities.

You are welcome to take this PDF and disburse it. It is important that we consider the community at large and how we can do our part to help in keeping our loved ones well.

Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor (as we attempt to escape from the peak of flu season).

PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor. If you have a medical question, please consult a medical professional, seek help from a local office, or in an emergency, call 911.